I hate my roommate ...
... but wow does he keep the floors clean
Incident #1: I walk into my room, and the robovac emerges from under the bed, pushing my partner’s gun.
Instinctively, I drop to my knees and slide my passport over. (I’m a citizen!)
He gets stuck on the carpet almost immediately. So I disarm him and walk him, at gunpoint, back to his docking station. What happened to you? I ask.
Incident #2: My parents are visiting. They’re about to step into my apartment, but before they do, they point down the hallway — is that your robovac?
I peek around the corner.
It is. I guess the idiot’s working overtime.
Hey! I shout.
He ignores me and continues vacuuming my neighbor’s welcome mat. “So happy you’re here” it says.
Incidents #3-36: I come home after a long day of work to find that the robovac has rearranged all the furniture.
Curtains on ground. Dog bed in bathroom. Living room lamp two inches to the left.
Phone charger just, like, gone.
I don’t think interior design is for you, I tell him gently. I look him straight in the sensor. Let’s stick to what we know.